Losing someone you love is a pain that never goes away, no matter how many people say that things are gonna be okay.
Possibly one of the worst feelings ever in your life happened in the aftermath of a great loss. With your mind scrambling to connect all the events that have led to that incident, all you can really say at that particular moment is “What the hell just happened?” If you’re someone who’s generally generous with expletives, go ahead and substitute some other word for “hell”.
I’ve probably replayed the day’s events more than a dozen times already, but I still can’t figure out how things ended up like this. As far as I could tell, it was unthinkable that this would happen. That is probably where I messed up. I had been comforted with the idea that things have been going smoothly for the longest time, that I let my guard down. I was caught up in the belief that there was no way things could go wrong. Unfortunately, life always finds a way to catch up with you. And just for the sake of teaching you a valuable lesson, life will decide to shake things up a bit.
“Nag-field trip kami nun dati sa Corregidor.. tapos me tunnel dun sobrang dilim na sa loob na pinasukan namin.. tapos me isang lugar dun, parang labas yata ng gubat, me camera case; di namin alam kanino yun o bakit nandoon yun..”
That was the last story I’d tell my father. He passed away that morning, and as I desperately tried to revive him, all my untold stories were replaced with unanswered questions. There was no sense in fighting the tears that flowed; I was hoping against hope that he was just sleeping. There was no feeling in the doctor’s words when he told me that the slight movement I saw at the morgue was just rigor mortis. It was as if the sliver of hope that I was clinging to was cruelly snatched from me.
I close my eyes, and I listen to the sounds made by the rain as it falls on the roof. My mother is listening to a radio broadcast, but the words are just a buzz of incomprehensible chatter to me; I’m currently lost in my thoughts.
We live in a world where a man’s status in life is determined by the material things that surround him. It is a bleak and hollow world wherein we endlessly crave for more; the latest, the most fashionable, the most expensive. We’ve lost count of the simple things in life that truly matter, and for those who still do, they’re the ones who end up being branded as fools.
I was probably in High School back then, when I wrote in my essay that the treasure that I cherished the most would be the memories that I’ve gathered over the years. Looking back, my whole life must have been one sentimental value after another; a smooth stone tells a story of a mall trip with friends, unclaimed arcade tickets tell the story of how I have yet to win in our shooting contest. A guitar string would remind me of my youth, how I’d be walking across the park singing, guitar in hand like a troubadour in an idyllic town.