A Bad Joke

Hah. Look at all those people moving about, walking around like ants across the gravel path. They all seem to be heading for different directions, it’s a wonder they don’t collide with each other and break into a billion bits. Ahhhh, that would probably be a sight to see. Haha. I wonder what they’re all thinking about, walking around like that. Like that guy, for instance.

He doesn’t seem to be the type that girls will go mad over. Haha. What a loser. Probably bores all the girls to death. Hey girls, look at my science project. Hahaha. Idiot. And that face, what an eyesore! Too goody-goody looking. Like some kid with a lollipop, strolling at the playground. Sissy. Must be the lack of facial hair. Well, well. That, is something I’m proud to say I have. Quite a lot, actually. And I don’t mean to brag, but I’m all muscle, baby. Not a layer of fat in me, no siree. Not unlike that.. hmm. Not sure if that’s a he, or a she, but judging by that body mass, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s an earthquake happening right this moment. I swear, I can feel the tremor from up here. Haha, tremor. That’s a good one.

Some of them seem to be really enjoying themselves, like those group of kids over there walking around with their backpacks strung on their shoulders. Hey lazy freeloaders, quit skipping school! Haha. I’m such a riot. It’s a weekend, so I’m sure there’s no classes. Maybe they’re on a field trip or something, I don’t know. Still, just like every other day that I’ve witnessed, there sure is a lot of people in this world. I mean, yeah, this is just a mall.. but if this was a representation of the world we live in, I wouldn’t be surprised if one day we all get suffocated from the depleting supply of oxygen. I mean, there’s too many humans in this planet! And there’s more buildings being put up, than trees being planted in. I wonder who was the wise guy that came up with the idea that stone and marble and steel were the finest representation of progress. Brain-dead fool.

Too many humans. In the streets. In the malls. In just about everywhere. They’re like rats. Haha, rats. That’s something funny right there. Hahaha. I wonder how the population got to this amount. Is it this unbearable heat? HAHA! Norman would have laughed at this. Norman is one of my best friends. He and his wife Rhonda are expecting another litter next week. Hey, Norman.. any plans of retiring this year? Haha I’m hilarious. But yeah, there’s a lot of people for miles and miles around. And couples, boy there’s a lot of them couples walking about too. Some of them holding hands like one of them is about to fall from a cliff, and the other has no intention of letting go. And oh, the eyes. Such annoying, misty eyes. Like they can’t get enough of looking at each other’s faces. Ugh. And what’s with the leaning on the shoulder? Your head too big for you girl, that it? Haha! What a joke.

Me? Naah. I don’t think I’ll ever want to go into that relationship crap. Too many rules, too much fine print. All I probably want to do for the rest of my life is just eat, sleep, and party. Hmm.. yeah. Maybe I could go for a couple of flings every once in a while. No sense in letting this tail go to waste. Wink. Haha I’m sooo bad.

Speaking of eat.. I’m starving. I wonder what’s on the menu this afternoon. Hmmm.. is that an unfinished hotdog sandwich by the pavement? Mmm yum~my. But, can’t get my hopes up too much. My eyesight is not exactly 20/20, as that opto-something doctor says it. Well he didn’t really say it to me. I just overheard him talking to one of his patients. And it’s much too dark from where I’m at, and my line of sight is not really clear, no thanks to this thin gap in the ceiling. Maybe I should try moving this board thingy. Just a few nudges, no sweat. Then I’d be able to see clearly the prize that awaits me. Damn. This stupid board refuses to budge an inch. Hmm. Maybe I’ll try kicking it. Maybe the whole weight of my body on this wooden board will do the trick. Okay, here goes. 1.. 2.. 3!

Oh crap.

I pushed too hard, and the board moved more than I intended it to. As a result, here I am, falling from a height of over four feet. Oh well. This shouldn’t be too much of a problem, as long as nobody sees me. Oh no. They see me. I can tell from the screams that I’m hearing right now, as I hit the ground with a mild thud.


“Rat! Rat!”

“A rat fell from the ceiling!”

“Somebody call the police! EEEIIIIHHHHH!!!!”

What the– call the police? Seriously? You gotta be kidding me, lady. You want me arrested or something? And for what, for falling off from the ceiling?? Try and take me, I dare you. I dare all of you. I’ll bite you all to death. Oh cheese. Someone’s coming. Gotta hide. HIDE!

“Where did it go?”

“There, there’s the rat!”

It hid behind that advertisement board!”

“Kill it! Kill it!”

Same old lousy humans. Always trying to take control of the situation. If anything beyond their control happens, they panic. Whatever they don’t understand, they detest. What they fear, they want to eliminate. And right now, that happens to be me. Lucky me. Well, I should be safe as long as nobody removes this advertisement board, or forces me to run out in the open.

Oh crap. I spoke too soon. RUN!

Where do I go? Crap there’s too many people blocking my exits. Left? Right? Dammit, think! Whoa. WHOA! I barely missed that one. Was that a shoe? Was that guy trying to stomp me? Wait a minute. Isn’t that the guy I saw earlier, that sissy loser guy with the clean-shaven face? Aren’t you supposed to be the good gu-

I didn’t get the chance to finish the question. I got stunned as his right shoe hits me squarely on the side. Can’t. Breathe. Crap. Even my thoughts are coming out in gasps now. This can’t be the end, right? I mean, this was just supposed to be like any other boring day. I just want to live, that’s all. Isn’t that too much to ask?

Horrified faces. Shrieks of disgust. The underside of a shoe as it repeatedly stomps the life out of me. These will be my dying memories. And to top it all off, I’m losing my life to this pathetic loser. Haha. What a sick joke. I’m such a–

-Ed. E.


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