It’s been a long time, but now the journey must come to an end.
It’s not really a surprise, because I was already looking forward to it. I could even say that it no longer came as a shock to me. At that time, I knew already what I needed to do. At best, I had about three months. Yes, there is always the hope of things taking a turn for the better; and yet I knew full well that the chances of such were too slim. I was inside a system that I knew I wouldn’t be able to survive on. Perhaps I was too proud, or maybe too stubborn to adhere to the system. The day to day mundane routine was starting to take its toll on me, and there came a point when I had decided that I was not one to let this go on forever.
With every departure however, there will always be that wish, that desire to stay, to be with the ones you care about for just a minute longer, to stay longer especially with the one who has kept you sane all this time, in a world that would drive anyone mad. And after that, another minute longer still. Sometimes, you’ll even think that you could stay trapped in that moment, that point between staying and leaving. You’d even be amazed at the number of excuses you’ll come up with just so you could return and be back for a while longer, a few hours at best. It’s a foolish thought, because there is no delaying a goodbye. It’s either you stay, or you keep on walking away. Unfortunately, I needed to be free of the burden that I had begun to carry. If you already knew how things were going to end, if you knew that sooner or later, you would be the one to be left behind, what would you have done? Others perhaps, would have said that they would have stayed. I might even have said that, in another time and place. Now however, is not that time.
I look out and I see the rain
As it falls on my window pane
And the music that’s in my heart
Is a sad refrain