For what purpose, are we brought upon this world? For what reason, must we walk this earth?
This is not meant to be a lengthy discussion on the quality of human struggle for self-realization, or a tale about that wonderful journey to finding one’s own path. At this point in my life, everything around me is either a blur, or very much magnified that I can’t help but be amazed at its complexity.
It has always been the same, and for the most part I would like to believe that I have, more or less, been also the same. Perhaps at one point something did change, or something inside me fractured; because now, all of a sudden, I feel.. broken. I might have been this way for a while, or longer than I should have, but I can’t help but feel it more strongly this past few weeks. Everything that starts with a blur has to end in a blur; it’s something that makes sense to someone who can’t make sense out of it all. And for some things, I just don’t get it why there has to be a reason. Why you do this, why you do that. Why you’re like this, and why you’re the way you are. In truth, they’re not asking you for a reason. They’re looking for a good reason, which in this context, something that makes absolute sense to them. Forget saying, “That’s just me“. It doesn’t sell.
I have no reason. Nothing to explain the things that I do, or the way that I am. And frankly, I’m tired of saying “I’m just weird, that’s all” just to end the discussion. They say everything happens for a reason, but all that is just an empty phrase, something to help people sleep better at night, because whatever happened previously happened for some reason which they’ve yet to uncover.
Funny, but in some instances, you already know the reason. Yet, here you are, still asking for that one slice of something that would be acceptable to you. What’s even more funny, is when you begin to question yourself: How. What. When. Why. If I do the things I do because that is who I am, then why am I the way I am?
Who am I?