Where does friendship end, and confusion begin?
This is one question that I certainly can’t figure out on my own, so feel free to share in my miserable ranting. I mean, when is a friend no longer just a “friend”? When do you start seeing her in a different light, and can you prevent this from happening? How do you stop something that comes naturally? Here I insert metaphors; they add some sort of flavor. “It’s like trying to stop the rain from falling, or the grass from growing.”
So, I see her now as the same person. But, at the same time, something’s different about her. It’s something that you don’t usually figure out the first time. It’s a never-ending barrage of how’s and why’s. The answers, you do not know for certain; still, it doesn’t stop you from setting out on a journey to find the answer. You may or may not find what you’re searching for, but the experience will make you grow into a hopefully wiser individual. Or you could be bitter for the rest of your life.
After some rollercoaster journey where you experience both the states of euphoria and melancholic surrender, you come to a breakthrough of sorts. You slowly start to convince yourself where you’re going to place her in your life: as either a friend, or someone so much more. If you went for the former, it’s more likely because she’s either one of two things: taken, or uninterested. You hit the jackpot if she’s both.
And so, you do what has come to be known as the honorable thing. It takes you time to get it down to your system, but eventually you make it.
Having said that, there is also one thing that puzzles me; it also never ceases to annoy me. Its when your friends, especially the female ones, start to vanish from the face of the earth. Like the wind that brushes through your cheek, you find to your annoyance that they can no longer be reached unlike the old days. Why? For the simple (or shallow?) reason that they’re already attached. Far more confusing is when the love of her life forbids you to talk to his lady love, who happens to be your friend. You think to yourself, “What did I do wrong?” For just when you’ve come to accept the bitter fact that she will forever remain your friend, then you find that that sole connection has been severed. You ask yourself, “Why?” but alas, you are left to ponder this on your own.
Don’t be alarmed. No, don’t be concerned.
I don’t want to change things. Leave them just as they were.
I mean, nothing’s really different. It’s me who feels strange.
I’m always lost for words when someone mentions your name.
I know that I’ll get over this for sure.
I’m not the type who dreams there could be more.
But you were there.